W. Grenley Smogg's celebrated journal
Adversaria Of The Esoterick And Wholly Unknown
Adversaria Of The Esoterick And Wholly Unknown
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In the nature of a substitute please enjoy one or more of the following…
In the nature of a substitute please enjoy one or more of the following…
- A Soundcloud.
- A Mastodonic Social Medium.
- A Writer's Block Utility.
- The following Fun Fact:The standard center stripes on a U.S. Highway are ten feet long and separated by thirty-foot gaps.
Those stripes can be considered the down beat of a 4/4 time signature, and so a 5280 foot mile contains 528 beats.
528 BPM = 1 mile per minute (= 60 miles per hour) and thus 1 MPH = 528/60 = 8.8 BPM.
Here are some common tempi expressed in MPH:
≤2.27 MPH: Larghissimo
5.45 MPH: Lentissimo
6.82 MPH: Largo
8.64 MPH: Adagio/Andante
9.09 MPH: Adagietto
9.43 MPH: Andantino
11.36 MPH: Allegretto
13.64 MPH: Allegro
17.73 MPH: Vivace
19.09 MPH: Presto
19.77 MPH: Allegrissimo (three minute mile)
22.73+ MPH: Prestissimo
Of course, one might also consider each 40-foot span as a quarter-note and multiply all those numbers by 4, in which case Prestissimo is the speed of a time-traveling DeLorean. - Some Notes on compiling the Linux kernel on Debian et al.
- An Article rejected by Smogg's ADVERSARIA on Absolute Zero.
- A few random statements:
"Stop…fondling that potato.""Now, cut the ultraviolet wire."QUANTUMELY: the smallest possible insult.I wish to build a house entirely of desks.Penguins are the adult form of bumblebees.DIAMETER: the Greek Goddess of rich cooking.Bronchiosaurus: a dinosaur with a chest cold.The internet has destroyed my powers of concenI`m holding a Doctor Who convention in my mind.Clap your hands if you believe in unearned applause!I have a talk show in my mind. You`re my next guest.In the word "pick", which is silent, the C or the K?Even books about the future are really about the past.You`re reading this because I imagined you reading it."But why would they put a load-bearing wall on wheels?""Don`t forget to think about a puppy."
— Donavan Freberg"I still don`t know what I`m doing."
— Laurie AndersonI came here to chew gum. And I`m all out of chewing gum.I qualify for Mensa. Why do I still count on my fingers?Don`t watch this space, tell me what you want to see in it."Of course I`m dim. All my brilliance is tied up in genius."Went out to dinner at Thomas Tallis`s and had Spam in alium."We must imagine Sisyphus flat as a pancake."
— Albert CamusOaxathacatl: a powerful Aztec liqueur made from distilled bees.What I really enjoy in life is messing about with spreadsheets.Apparently it`s easy to play the bowed psaltery. And yet we don`t.Social media paranoia: the feeling that you`re not being followed.Thematically coordinated jetsam is not a decor. Must remember that"If I didn`t do things by mistake, I might not do anything at all."How much wode wode a wodehouse house if a wodehouse wode house wode?"It`s an automatic poetry improver. I call it the sonnet screwdriver.""These new wood tiles are really slippery."
"It`s Parkay flooring.""Spock, you look like you`ve seen a haggis."
"Perhaps I have, Captain.""And there were IV bags of pizza sauce for sale in the hospital gift shop.""I guess it`s just the basic idea of carnivorous rice that gives me pause."In my world the Science Fiction Channel is showing ENCYCLOPEDIA: GALACTICA.Sometimes I can`t think of what to say next — is this one of those times?Come on, PBS, why on earth would I want a sturdy canvas toad bag? #enunciateI shall start a band named The Audience. Our first single will be "Applause"."The nice thing about living in hell is the people you meet."
— Joe Rosales"Two plus two equals four, or occasionally a petrified three."
— Jon Ashkanter"You tidy up. I`ll go face death. Equitable division of labor."
— Steve GerberI`m going to start a band called Various Artists and rake in unbelievable royalties."All I`ve done all day is drink tea and think about girls!"
— John Adams (paraphrased)If Steve Jobs had invented children, they would make a pleasant chime when they wake up.The Dalai Lama`s web site should have a banner at the top saying
HELLO YOURSELF!When Paul McCartney started doing ambient music, why didn`t he call himself The Beatless?"You know you`ve never heard Arizona and Jazz in the same sentence."
— Terence Blanchard"You`ve got to dance. On a desert island, probably more than other places."
— Bill NighyWe must pull down the foothills to build up the mountains. It`s for the good of the valleysYou find an animal in a leg trap. You try to free it. It bites you. Do you condemn it? Why?"I`m not suffering writer`s block. I`m doing an extended stream of unconsciousness section."There are over six billion people on Earth. Surely one of you must have seen my USB cable...?Have decided to build a machine that will perform all my functions for me.
— There, finished.Beans-on-Toast is a small English hamlet located between Telling Porkies and Kempston Joystick."It is inferior—for coffee—but it is pretty fair tea."
— Captain Duncan of the Quaker CityLast night I secretly replaced the moon with a giant slice of fried plantain. Did anyone notice?Remember, the freedom to be powerless is the most important of all! … wait, that makes no senseMy latest book, FACE ADVERSITY WITH A SMILE, has been rejected. Going to bed with a quart of vodka.When you set your mail on fire the smoke makes a big cloud, see? That`s what "the cloud" is all about.Some people dream of things that never were. I dream of problems redeeming my coupons at the supermarket."It helps if you like the taste of bugs," said Sherrinford. "Which," he added gloomily, "apparently I do."After going blind, Jorge Luis Borges became incapable of boredom. Well, it`s a kind of superpower I suppose.Gauguin at the Tortue Arthritique, Cézanne at the Canard Discotheque, Matisse at the Cheval Mort #boringsequelsEcofriendly Holiday Tip: This year, string potatoes instead of lights. Will also vaguely disturb passing burglars!Passed by a bush full of tiny cheeping birds. Suspect they were planning something. Fortunately do not live nearbyIn solidarity with the artistic vision of the world`s recording artists, I have re-ripped all my CDs as single tracks.The next time Auntie Beeb revives Doctor Who it should be with a digital simulation of Bertrand Russell as the Doctor.What you want to accomplish won`t happen by you just thinking about it. Unless you`re trying to develop psychic powers.Have not started new prog-rock band called Cyclothymic Neurasthenia. Drummer capable of playing in 22/7 time not needed.Discovery made after forgetting that the tea already had lime juice in: unlike the real thing, almond milk doesn`t curdle!Internet, is there something you`re not telling me? If we`re going to make this relationship work we need to be more open.I bought a wind-up Oblomov but it seems to be broken. I ordered a Godot action figure as a replacement but it hasn`t arrived yet."The last I heard you`d started a Genesis tribute band."
"Yeah, but we broke up after our guitarist decided he couldn`t Hackett."Well, tinkerty-tonk! Jeeves, we are undone! Per Google, Eulalie Soeurs has switched to Accounting, Book-keeping & Tax Consultancy!"We`ve secretly replaced Luke Skywalker with Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. Let`s see if anyone notices."
"So R2 and C3P0 go to it..."What`s the hazelnut flavor for? "To cover up the foulness of the coffee." And the eggnog? "To cover up the foulness of the hazelnut."Apparently we now go to the reference dex to ax a question. My question: why is asterisk "asterik" and not "asterix"? Trademark issues?Espoo is the second largest city and municipality in Finland. When I get rich I think I will move to Espoo. Then I will be from...Espoo."I always let I dare not wait upon I would, like the cat i` the adage, and it`s never done me any harm! — wait, no, it ruined my life."Man on bus: "I don`t vote because they`re all crooks from the top to the bottom." Pivot around the `because` and he`s right. #willywonka"There was a blizzard at the Electronica Festival! The audience nearly froze!" "How did they warm themselves?" "They Bernd Kistenmacher!"I want to see the Channel Formerly Known As Sci Fi reorganize its original productions as a repertory company - same actors in every show.Me: "Kraftwerk." last.fm: "How about `Love On A Real Train`?" Me: "John Philip Sousa." last.fm: "Okay, a COVER of `Love On A Real Train`."To anticipate your questions: 1) yes, 2) no, 3) KC & The Sunshine Band, 4) I think so, Brain, but where would we get a size 7 circus tent?Because I bought an MP3 player, Amazon recommends I buy some headphones, an Eminem CD, and an automatic rice cooker. Ah, the complete life.The great thing about old Klaus Schulze albums is that if you get bored with them you can play them at half-speed for an entirely new sound."What`s that you`re drinking?"
"A nightcap to close out my day."
"Ah, whiskey and coda, eh? —Oh, really, this was a perfectly good shirt..."They listened intently, there in the darkness, but there was only the distant cry of a man who had bought the kind of olives with pits still in.Garrison Keillor called the Samuel Clemens autobiography "a powerful argument for writers` burning their papers". I feel the same way about LAKE WOBEGON DAYS.